Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
