Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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