Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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