guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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