I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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