Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
