Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
