do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
