Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
