We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
