Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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