if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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