Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
