everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
