you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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