So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
