Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
