Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
