Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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