Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
