Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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