I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've blown a few things in my day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
