He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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