What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
