I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
