stop calling my apartment porn island.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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