I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
