So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
