I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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