I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
