Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
