By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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