I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
