the condom got lost in my hair
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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