her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
