do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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