we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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