I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
