i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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