Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
