if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
