i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
