i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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