okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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