WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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