I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it glows. i had to have it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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