can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
