I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
