Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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