Cold hands, warm shart.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
