Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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