i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
