there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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